Flashback To Good Times....

Hokie Smokes, is it 2002 again? Bonds launches one into the cove to tie it, then after some stomach churning extra innings, Rich Aurilia drives one into the gap to win it 6-5 in 12 over the Cardinals.

Tonight's designated Bullpen Suck was Jack Taschner, who provided the nightly carnage by walking in the go-ahead run in relief of Matt Morris in the 7th.

Not so sucky was Armando Benitez, who pitched a 1-2-3 ninth in a non-save situation. Jonathan Sanchez provided some angst but got out of his jams and pitched three innings for the win.

Pujols had a big game for the Cards, but was cut down attempting to steal home to end the top of the 12th.

In honor of the Giants win, I'm posting a picture of a very young Nervous Red Dog, licking the hand that feeds him.

A Win, 3 Rainouts, and another Win...

That makes for an undefeated road trip so far. Bwah. The layoff didn't seem to hurt, as the offense stayed alive. Durham and Benji Molina got their first homeruns of the season tonight, and Zito got his first win as a Giant. He went six innings, and didn't surrender any runs and gave up only three hits. Color me whiney, but I'd like to see the #1 Starter go more than 6.

In honor of the victory, I've posted one of my first Giant heroes as a kid. One of those inexplicable things a kid does when he's just starting to learn baseball. I picked the guy on the strength of how much he looked like he might be a good ballplayer in the picture on his baseball card. The guy was Ron Herbel, and he never did do much more than long relief in his career, but he was a back-end of the rotation starter on the first Giants team I followed religiously. (1965) He did set a big-league record, but I'm not sure if he still holds it. He is (or was) the worst hitting pitcher of all time (minimum 100 AB) Ronnie went 6 for 206 over his career. Final batting average? .029 He had a major league jawline though.

Lots of baseball left, like the whole season. And as my girl Britney Spears says, "They's people ahead of us.... But I like the 8-0 win at Coors. I do.

Giants Win!!! That's two!

In honor of the Giants 6-5 victory tonight over the Friars to start the road trip, I'm putting up this picture of my favorite Giant of all time, Willie McCovey.

Matt Morris pitched very well tonight, and it turns out he's got BOTH of the Giants wins so far this year, both against the Padres, and both against Clay Hensley.. I'm hoping like hell that Noah Lowry can be the second Giants pitcher to record a win this year. It would be nice to win a mess on the road after the opening homestand suck fest.

Tonight it was excellent to see a Giant come home from third, that's been a rarity thus far. And Ryan Klesko's linebacker slide to break up the double play was crucial and maybe the play of the game.

That monster Adrian Gonzalez needs to be stopped though. He's a masher.

BREAKING NEWS...I have just learned via the San Francisco Chronicle that Hammerin' Hank will not be around to watch Barry break his record, opting to maybe golf instead. Color me butt-hurt. Sorry Hank. Only the best tasting Tuna get to be Starkist. He'll hit it whether you're golfing or spanking your elderly monkey to old clips of Al Downing.

Baseball's Greatest Shame

No, not steroids or HGH. If you thought I was going to get all sanctimonious about Barry Bonds, I have a big hairy ass you can kiss. I like him, and I want him to break Aaron's record, and I think sportswriters in general should be skinned alive and roasted, just on principle.

The shame I'm talking about is letting ordinary citizens sing our national anthem. I'm talking about the kind of singer that watches American Idol and thinks "Hey, I can sing like that."

The term of art in this case is "Melisma" and it is the primary reason "American Idol" is as bad for the youth of America as crack cocaine is.

Melisma is the way of singing where, instead of taking one syllable and using one note to sing it, they take one syllable and use seven or eight notes to sing it, like Mariah Carey or ANY woman you see on American Idol. They think the way to be a diva is to do that awful, annoying vocal run bullshit. Then some amateur singer, maybe they're in a choir or something, gets picked by the Giants (and insert your team here) media office to sing the anthem before the game. And the trainwreck begins. Whenever I go to the games, I have to explain to the people around me "I'm not hurling this bucket of rotten fish parts at our country's national anthem, I'm hurling it at the moron who just did it grievous bodily harm in front of the crowd.

I get cranky when I hear "O'er the la--ha-hand of the Fuh-ree-hee-HEE-hee-hee-heeEEEEEEEH.......and the Home of thuh-huh-huh-huh-huh...Buh-ray-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-uh-hay haaaaaaayve."

I'd rather have Mrs. Miller (pictured) sing each and every one.

Two losses to the Dodgers

Before that, two losses to the Padres. The baseball season isn't starting so hot for my team.

I feel sad. No amount of midget porn, high-grade bud, rum, and looping Led Zeppelin III will make the pain go away.

But one can try.

Here's what the Nervous Red Dog looked like as a puppy.

I feel better already.

Jesus H. Frickin' Christ

The Giants are on a pace to lose 162 games this year. Two straight losses to open the year, making the offseason personnel decisions throb in my head. The one that frosts my chaff the most is the re-signing of Pedro "Pete Happy" Feliz. The team signed former Giant Rich Aurilia first, and I liked the deal because I'd prefer Rich Aurilia over Pedro Feliz, who I figured was toast once Richie signed. Then a couple of days later they went and signed Feliz to a one year deal. Apparently, he had figured out how to take a pitch and we were going to be surprised by his keen eye for the right pitch this year.

He raised his walk total this spring to ONE. Last spring he swung at such bad pitches his walks ended up in the negative bracket.

The guy in the pic is The Crazy Crab , the Giants' hated and retroactively adored first submission to the Age Of The Costumed Mascot. He lasted one year. That year was 1984, when the Giants were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked, losing 96 games. I posted his picture because that may be as many games as this 2007 team loses. Bonds (who I love as much as the worst hater hates him) is looking reborn. Which is nice.

Of course if they win tonight, I'll be back to thinking this team may never lose a game. Like always.

Post Quiz Report: Downtown Sunday Night

Packed 'em in like sardines last night at the midtown Streets of London. The barstaff and I guessed that this was due to the local colleges starting spring break. I was a bit ruder than usual, but the crowd seemed to enjoy it. We had forty five teams which is a record, or close to a record anyway. I had to toss some loud-mouths out of the pub, which WAS a first. I threaten it weekly, but usually a warning is enough. Other than that the quiz went smoothly. First place went to a team whose name I forget but it had something to do with inadequate male endowment. Second place went to a team called "I Thought You Had To Be Smart To Be Going To College". The porno (Fishnets #3) went to a team that REALLY wanted it. The toughest question seemed to be "Name the two main ingredients in the British dish called 'Bubble & Squeak' " Only two teams got it right. (Potatoes & Cabbage). I also accepted "Potatoes & Spinach" because that's the way I first ate it. I forwent (is that the past tense of forgo?) the weekly English Premier League question and instead went with the murder of Cricket coach Bob Woolmer. Almost everyone got the question right. I debuted the new chili-pepper shirt my mom had made for me for my 50th birthday. I got many compliments. The Nervous Red Dog sat this one out, as there was a threat of rain so I left him to guard the home.