Stinky Stinky Stinkity Stink

Q: What's the difference between a concrete road pylon and Lance Niekro?

A: The road pylon is faster, and is a better judge of pitches.

I'd ask another question of Bruce Bochy, Giants manager. And I'll add a follow-up 1) Why do you feel the need to carry five or six first basemen on the day-to-day roster? (Follow-up) Why is Lance Niekro one of them?

I exaggerate of course. The Giants carry a mere four first basemen. Aurilia, who can play any infield position but was signed to play first, Sweeney and Klesko, who can play first base and left field, and Niekro, who can play first base. Adequately. Put a bat in his hands, and you're just plain wasting his time and yours. Apart from the signing of Feliz one day after Aurilia signed, keeping Niekro on the team was the stupidest move of the offseason. "But he was out of options!" his relatives cry. As if he wouldn't have cleared waivers. And I know the fans bitch and moan about the Giants not developing any position players in their farm system that become good Major Leaguers, but pinning that hope on Lance Niekro is a forlorn hope. You can't develop a quality major league player by letting him play in the minors until he's pushing thirty, then stick him on the Major League roster and hope that even though he has never given you a reason to believe he would not suck, he won't suck.

And even though I know he gets paid to do it, and is much better at it than me or any other fan, I was scratching my head over Bochy's management of the final Giants at bats. The Giants, down by two, had the top of the order up in the bottom of the ninth. They need at least one baserunner to get to Bonds. Wow, Dave Roberts is leading off. Pesky Dave Roberts. A guy that can work a pitcher for a walk, bunt for a hit, that kind of thing. Wrong. Pinch Hit for Roberts with Todd Linden, another fifty year old Giants prospect who is only slighty less frustrating than Niekro. Now I'll give Bochy a little benefit of the doubt--maybe Roberts tweaked a hammy or something. But damn. Linden. If you like your pinch hitters of the "flail away cluelessly" variety, Linden's a good choice. Especially if you're saving Niekro to pinch strikeout later. So, Linken strikes out. Omar, in a slump, can't get on either, but at least he lined one to left that Holliday had to dive for. Maybe Klesko can work a walk out of Rockies closer Brian Fuentes, so Bonds, hitting .800 over his career against Fuentes, can either have a swing or be walked intentionally putting the tying run on base. Giants fans, I gots good news and bad news for you. The Good news is Barry's on deck. The bad news is that Lance Niekro is at the plate. Suh-WISH!

Russ Ortiz suffered a setback with this start, retiring in the fourth after giving up eight runs on nine hits. Let's hope he just suffered some pre-game head trauma and hasn't reverted to the pitcher the Diamondbacks know and love. The bully did their job, giving up only one more run in the five innings after Russ' departure. And the Giants scored seven times. That's huge for them.

I love the Giants and hate to pick 'villains' on the club. But man I am tired of Lance Niekro. And there's only one first base. Why do the Giants need four guys for the job? In case the first three go down? Maybe a middle infielder would be nice. Because who's the backup for second base, third, and short? Aurilia, who usually starts at first. Feliz could back up the infielders too, but he's already playing third usually. Gotta have those two extra first sackers though. Oy.

Your final from La Belle Pacifique: Colorado 9, San Francisco 7

Win streak ends at one.

Back on Track. New win streak at ONE.

The Giants got back to winning with some help from the Colorado Rockies last night, winning a sloppy one by a day-shift. (9 to 5) Noah Lowry recovered after a rough start to get the win, and the Giants got a lift from the bat of Pedro Feliz, who crushed one in the first to give the Giants a 5-1 lead. Feliz to me is the most frustrating of Giants. He never met a pitch he didn't like, and was the intended target of the "Brain Dead Carribean Hitters Who Hack At Slop Nightly" controversy last year.

But he makes game-saving plays at third base and is by all accounts a friendly, likeable chap. And when he goes on a tear, he looks like a major league power hitter. The Giants must see something in him---they keep resigning him. Maybe it will all work out for the Giants.

He's got more homeruns so far than any Giant not named Bonds. Good on ya, Pete Happy. Keep taking me by surprise.

The Man Who Hated Northern California

It seems the Warriors fans (and indeed most of the Bay Area) are up in arms over certain comments by TNT's NBA commentator Charles Barkley. Apparently, he said such things as that he'd rather sleep on Alcatraz Island than in Oakland or San Francisco. Even took a shot at quaint little Sausalito. He left out Berkeley, maybe because he's heard that the British pronounce it "Barkley". "Teh Horror!" as we used to say on the old ESPN Giants Board.

As a Kings fan, my team and my town have been on the receiving end of many a Chuck tirade over the years, along the lines of cowtown, backwoods, yada yada yada. And I think he once said "Say something positive about THIS place? OK. It's positively a dump." I don't think I've ever gotten mad about it. I got more upset when two chuckleheaded Sacramento DJs decided it would be great fun to call Chuck's Sacramento hotel room in the wee small hours during a Suns visit some years back. I thought that that was pretty bush league. Interestingly enough, I didn't mind at all when some room service chef (allegedly) spiked Kobe Bryant's burger and made him sick.

I don't mind any of this because I think Charles Barkley is one of the funniest non-professional comedians on the planet. I've NEVER seen him serious--unless he's actually talking about the game of basketball. He just plain makes me laugh, and that's a trait I value highly. Hell, he even talks smack about himself sometimes.

Here are some of my favorite Barkley moments.

• After getting into an altercation in a bar with a drunk who wanted to pick a fight with him, in which he threw the guy through a window, Chuck was asked by a reporter if he had any regrets about the incident. "Yes, " replied Chuck. "I regret that we were on the first floor."
• "You know it's going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black."
• "I was thinking about suing her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.
• "Sometimes that light at the end of a tunnel is a train."
• "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit them back. Even if it does look like they haven't eaten in a while."
• "I know they say it alot about brothers, but I guarantee you everybody in Finland looks alike."
• Ernie: "Charles, what's the problem with the Knicks right now?" Charles: "They're no good."
• "It's kinda great to see the Celtics doing well again. That was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It's just like dinner at Kenny Smith's house."

Maybe what I like best about Chuck is that during this latest San Francisco/Oakland controversy, one of his lines was "You know how bad it is? I like Sacramento better than BOTH of those cities...."

I took the weekend off. So did the Giants.....

I guess I shouldn't have been so cocky posting that broom after the Dodgers series---The Giants ended up on the wrong end of it this weekend:







Diamondbacks swept the three game series. Zito pitched well enough to win, Cain was excellent, and Morris was good until the Hudson hit yesterday. The bullpen was a study in suck. The Lord Bonds Almighty got a homerun, and was walked a hundred and fifty seven times. Or so it seemed.



I drove to the coast this weekend, just for a few hours. The Nervous Red Dog would have preferred to race along the sand untethered, but the North Coast beaches are on-leash only. Such is the case at Goat Rock State Beach, a particularly beautiful place a little north of Bodega Bay. Had there been less of a crowd, I'm afraid I would have broken this rule. (I'm talking plain sand here, not bird habitats or anything) But it sho' nuff is a beautiful place. Here's what it looks like:





This photo was taken by Donald Kinney. I found his site, Photoarrow, while looking for pictures of my beloved Northern California coastline, my favorite spot on earth. You should definitely check Donald Kinney's photo art. Do it HERE.

On the way back to reality, we stopped at Lucas Wharf in Bodega Bay for a basket of fish'n'chips. The Nervous Red Dog was quite enthusiastic about the breaded, piping hot fish filets, but was unimpressed by the chips. This was unsurprising, because the NRD has never been fond of potato. Every dog I've known has LOVED french fries, chips, bakers, anything! But not HIM. In his four years of life, he's been offered English style-chips nearly every Sunday and Tuesday night by well meaning patrons of the pub where I work. Never touches 'em. He'd sell me out for the fish though. He can't get enough. But back to the Lucas Wharf chips. The Dog didn't like them, but I thought they were great.

So even if the Giants lost three in a row, and I spent thirty five bucks I didn't have for a tank of frickin' gas, I'd have to call the weekend a roaring success. Watching the sun go down while next to the Pacific Ocean is the great salvation.

So tonight the Colorado Rockies meet the Giants at La Belle Pacifique. (AT&T Park to some) Noah Lowry to start...lets hope that they get back to winnin'.

Turn out the lights.....the Party's over

As the picture to the left tells us, it's over. The Giants winning streak was snapped tonight with a 3-2 loss to the Diamondbacks. Tonight, the annoying spectre of years gone by also reared its ugly head, as Barry was intentionally walked twice and hit by a pitch. He'd had one intentional walk all season before last night in LA. I would like to see Ray Durham take umbrage and make them pay. Tonight was not one of those nights though.

Great game though, Mark Sweeney hit a pinch homerun tonight to make it 3-2, and the game in the 9th was in the hands of Ray Durham, with two out and two on. Ray had a couple of such situations in this game, and again came up empty, with a slow grounder to first. Zito took the loss. The Giants were in it until the last pitch, and are still playing great ball while not scoring many runs. So I say let's start a new streak tomorrow in the desert behind Matt Cain.

Get out the broom! Giants win again Eight In A Row

Wow! After the first few innings tonight, I was gearing up to post the "It Was Fun While It Lasted" routine, but damned if the Giants didn't come back from a shaky start and win another one. They beat the Dodgers 5-4 to complete the sweep at Chavez Latrine. Excellent payback for a couple of weeks ago, when the Bums punked the Giants in their own house.

Russ Ortiz walked the ballpark, but never let the Dodgers unload on him, getting out of horrible jams in the first two innings and escaping with just three runs allowed. He settled in and blanked them after that. Kevin Correia pitched well tonight too, eventually getting the win when the Giants rallied in the 8th.


The Giants scraped up enough runs to tie the game, getting key hits and capitalizing on Dodger mistakes to finally take a 5-3 lead. Ethier banged a homerun off of reliever Brad Hennessey to bring the Dodgers within a run, but Armando Benitez once again pitched a 1-2-3 ninth for another save. The much maligned behemoth saved all three games of the series. Before the season started, Benitez was one of my many question marks with this Giants team, and even his first few saves this season aggravated my ulcer, but damned if he hasn't looked pretty solid lately. Seven saves in seven chances. Contract year too, so maybe if he won't do it for the fans, he'll do it for himself. Still, he's made me a believer and restored my confidence in him.



The Dodgers should have won this game. They failed to beat up Ortiz who had control issues early, and were hampered later by a broken squeeze play. But it was the Giants triumphant, one of those things that happen when you're living right I guess.
Here's the broom...On to Phoenix!

A 1-2-3 Save, Seven In A Row!!

The Giants won another one tonight, their 6-4 victory over the hated Bums making seven in a row, and two at the Latrine.

Noah Lowry held on through some shoddy glove-work, and the bully did a hell of a job, namely Jack Taschner and Armando Benitez, who got what I think may be his first 1-2-3 save of the year, giving him six saves total.

It is always fun to hear the LA fans bellow and bay like rabid dogs whenever Barry Bonds comes to bat, is announced on the PA, or touches the ball in the field. Usually, the Greatest Slugger Of All Time feeds off of it, and tonight was no exception. Deafening boos, a crack of the bat, and #741 disappears over the center field fence--a three run bomb before a man was out in the first. . A smattering of applause, then silence. A forlorn beachball skitters into the outfield. A typical evening at Chavez. Last Night, Pedro Feliz was told by manager Bruce Bochy that he wouldn't be starting as much. (Klesko has been much better offensively, and Pedro quickly reverted to old habits of poor plate discipline after vowing to change.) That was in this morning's SF paper, and lo and behold Pedro started tonight and got a Home Run, which proved to be the winning run.

I am thrilled with this winning streak, after the opening week stinkage.

To sportswriters in general, and Los Angeles Dodgers fans especially, here is a public service announcement from former well-known actor David Caruso.